perseverance is key

After having the worst 3 years of my life so far I have finally started to come out on top.

This hasn’t been easy and there were a lot of times where I felt like giving up and had nowhere to go but further into depression, as eventually that’s exactly what happened.

I’d lost my home, my friends, my family, my money and the most important people in my life, my kids.

I moved house numerous times and could not find peace, I sought help from numerous places with very little success (support workers who left me for weeks with no visits, women in need, mental health crisis teams, counseling services, solicitors who say they can sue social services on their websites then tell you they can’t over the phone), I was constantly berated by social workers, followed etc constantly under scrutiny about where I was and who I was with and the courts for not having my life together and having no support and wasn’t offered any. I was put on tablets which didn’t take away the pain and only made me numb and sleepy. I was given ‘talking therapy’ which basically just makes you think better about life (doesn’t work).

For a while, I’m talking months here I did almost nothing, I was numb with depression and didn’t sleep, eat, go out or even talk to anyone. There was nothing I could do I’d tried everything I could think of and nothing was working, my life was shit and refusing to get any better.

People told me to get a job but I couldn’t handle one I was constantly upset or irritable and getting annoyed at people, the job centre turned me down for being on the sick (PIP) as the assessor said I engaged well with her ( because I wasn’t fidgety or anything with anxiety I’m perfectly fine).

Eventually I moved back into my own house and just lay on the floor crying most days. After a few more months of this I became angry and determined again I started with little things like getting dressed, eating a meal, listening to music.

I still couldn’t face the community so I slowly started back using the internet at the local library and engaging with the assistants, I had help from the local food bank and had a chat with them. I started reading books but couldn’t concentrate longer than maybe 20 minutes without being agitated.

As I slowly started to pull myself back together I was working with directions from the court to send letters to my children, this had been going on for almost two years and I was tired of not seeing them.

Eventually the judge gave me a break and ordered that I see my son supervised………..

cut to six months later and he is now back with me half the year with no social services intervention, this also means I now have a fighting chance at getting the rest of my life back on track and seeing my other son.

The point of the story is no matter what you’re going through just keep going and never give up, things will always be really bad for a very long time but there is always light at the end of the tunnel and help available somewhere you just have to find it and maybe change what sort of help you’re looking for.

If you really have no fight left as I did take a break and rebuild your life slowly there’s no point fighting a battle if you have no strength left in you. Take time to get stronger then fight again with everything you have, you will succeed!

If all else fails just do everything yourself, if you don’t know how to do something google it, read books, ask people with knowledge or go to courses. support is great and makes things easier but if you don’t have it that doesn’t mean you can’t do it yourself just persevere with it.

good luck and I wish you all well with your lives xxx


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random ramble and international disputes

……………….so it seems after a painfully slow many months of hitting brick walls and the internet denying me the relevant information, I seem to have made a tiny crack of which I intend to chip away at until the massive problem becomes non – existent.

This website which I have discovered today has a lot of information that you probably didn’t know about and which solicitors will never tell you about!

It’s basically a European version of with links to information on different countries laws and legal aid application forms.

so….. for anyone who is fighting social services and our shitty country’s legal laws on children being removed from the country ( which is a hell of a lot lately, it’s their new tactic on problem families, ‘remove the child from the jurisdiction of the court’ ) there is still hope you can fight in another country with different laws.

As yet this is as far as I’ve got in this matter but will update once I start making headway.


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ridiculous expectations

I haven’t wrote for a while but I thought I should today as my thought process is bogging me down.

I’ve spent the last maybe 4 hours doing job search and it’s not the job hunting that’s getting me down.

Those of you who are my age or thereabouts will remember that the jobcentre used to put us on ‘work programmes’ aka sit in a room all day with a guy/girl behind you watching you do job search from 9am until 4pm every day Monday to Friday.

they also offered ‘wellbeing courses’ aka telling you in many different and encouraging ways that the way to get through your depression,anxiety, other possible ailments is to have a ‘routine’ and ‘exercise routine’ during the day aka a job!.

The latest addition to this is on universal credit where you still see an advisor every week to check what you’re doing and we’re now expected to record 35 hours of job search a week, that’s job searching from 10am – 4pm on most public access computers or 7am -12 at home if you would still prefer to have a life.

I’ve tried various ways to argue about this but none work, including I’m studying online, I have other responsibilities, appointments, travel times between appointments etc etc.

The jobcentre does not class studying as an exception to the 35 hour rule we’re expected to sit in front of a computer all our life until we find a job to be stuck to all our life instead.

For me this just won’t do and I’m applying abroad for a better life and just a call back with a possibility of a start.

au revoir mon amis x

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Help me earn some money?

larged75qepe2Hey guys I’ve just discovered a new website which can help me earn a little bit of cash on the side. Feel free to check it out and tell me what you think.

I’ve found some amazing shoes, they’re not you’re everyday typical wear and will definitely make you stand out from the crowd!

here’s just a quick preview of what’s on offer :



I earn commission of everything that sells and products will be updated almost daily.largej3wa3ufw



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Fundraising to offset Government cuts

I once set up a crowd funding page entitled ‘can you spare just 10p?’ asking for people all over the world to donate me just that, 10p, with the idea that if lots of people did this I w…

Source: Fundraising to offset Government cuts

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Fundraising to offset Government cuts

I once set up a crowd funding page entitled ‘can you spare just 10p?’ asking for people all over the world to donate me just that, 10p, with the idea that if lots of people did this I would have enough money to help me out of my struggles to pay for solicitors etc for personal reasons which I included on the page.

I set this up and shared it on my personal Facebook page with friends and family and the amount of abuse I got was unreal and very cruel, with people saying the usual things like ‘get a job’ ‘why do you need a solicitor?’ ‘why have they done that to you?’ ‘what did you do?’ and various other.

I explained my case and asked why I needed to explain myself when people who beg for money on the street don’t get asked these questions and people willingly give away their spare change as a matter of good will and all I was asking for was literally 10p!                   Just because a person doesn’t look scruffy or starving or other physically obvious signs doesn’t mean they’re not struggling and need your help. The only difference is I’m a little too proud to be gawked at on the street and have access to internet.

I also explained that I know I’m not dying of cancer or terminally ill, lost my home in a flood, or other terrible crisis but that didn’t mean I was any less important in my needs.

So out of interest as to how many people are willing to help I’m setting up the page again  as a fundraiser for all the charities who help the homeless, terminally ill, kids charities and also myself to see how far widespread I can get this.

I’m hoping to raise £28 billion ( I know!) to cover the cuts that the government are making to resources and also to support the Domestic Abuse charity  Women In Need.

Once I’ve hit quite a lot of money I’ll start making the donations and posting screenshots of proceeds that have been donated to the charities.

Please follow the link


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Before I post this I’d just like to say that this is not my work and it is a Facebook page that caught my eye and I totally relate to this writing…..

A Fake Display Of The Divinity (written 2/5/17) ~RaVen

Tired of the high expectations…
This expectation to be more than human…
These feelings of contempt
Of never exceeding what you want in a human…
This overwhelming death inside breaks my heart into a million fractals…
Like energy of all the cycles breaking, a powerful force bringing all the broken pieces back together again, healing…

Love is the binding chemical that holds all together with an embracing force unlike any other…
Nothing keeps me alive but a loving embrace from an unknown sight…
Something you cannot taste, but feel…
To be depleted only to be made whole again is an amazing sensation unlike the world…
It’s much too pure to be of this realm…

Love ‘here’ is a temporary fix, a fake display of the divinity…
They will always be empty needing more and more, never getting their fill wandering the dark places searching for it, thinking since love is intangible unseen, that it will magically appear in a place unseen, when in all reality it will be of deception, a force that bites and kills ultimately, unawares as it will be too late…

They never knew as they ~a curious creature~ in search of appetite fill, and nothing more, scrounging around in the abyss of broken bones and decaying flesh of broken dreams…
Touch that and die faster than the glimpse upon…
The emptiness inside you feel is detachment from thy own heart..

Give inward to give outward, stitching thy broken pieces together with your own touch of compassion, to touch the world with the same, filling your own cup in the end…
Hate kills, hate a bitterness for thyself a hate that runs deep into your DNA before you were born, a generational curse that will not break without forgiveness of trespasses of old, a letting go in love without logic…

To let go of the expectations of those amongst you to be more than human, maybe you wish you weren’t human to place such expectations on others…
We all grow weary….
Love mends, heals wounds…
Break the generational curses and rebel against the current…
Otherwise, be made a ghost that will fade away like the majority in the history of this figment matrix called reality that stems from an imaginative dream.

Create your own reality with a dream in a chemical of something that lasts longer than a temporary fix, something you can muster up without someone holding your hand in this matrix of malevolent despair to consume anything and everything with the thought of it being real and long-lasting, all comes from within, not without…
Look into, see into, feel into, embrace you…
Be ready to give it and watch it regenerate…

I especially like the end bit

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