After having the worst 3 years of my life so far I have finally started to come out on top.
This hasn’t been easy and there were a lot of times where I felt like giving up and had nowhere to go but further into depression, as eventually that’s exactly what happened.
I’d lost my home, my friends, my family, my money and the most important people in my life, my kids.
I moved house numerous times and could not find peace, I sought help from numerous places with very little success (support workers who left me for weeks with no visits, women in need, mental health crisis teams, counseling services, solicitors who say they can sue social services on their websites then tell you they can’t over the phone), I was constantly berated by social workers, followed etc constantly under scrutiny about where I was and who I was with and the courts for not having my life together and having no support and wasn’t offered any. I was put on tablets which didn’t take away the pain and only made me numb and sleepy. I was given ‘talking therapy’ which basically just makes you think better about life (doesn’t work).
For a while, I’m talking months here I did almost nothing, I was numb with depression and didn’t sleep, eat, go out or even talk to anyone. There was nothing I could do I’d tried everything I could think of and nothing was working, my life was shit and refusing to get any better.
People told me to get a job but I couldn’t handle one I was constantly upset or irritable and getting annoyed at people, the job centre turned me down for being on the sick (PIP) as the assessor said I engaged well with her ( because I wasn’t fidgety or anything with anxiety I’m perfectly fine).
Eventually I moved back into my own house and just lay on the floor crying most days. After a few more months of this I became angry and determined again I started with little things like getting dressed, eating a meal, listening to music.
I still couldn’t face the community so I slowly started back using the internet at the local library and engaging with the assistants, I had help from the local food bank and had a chat with them. I started reading books but couldn’t concentrate longer than maybe 20 minutes without being agitated.
As I slowly started to pull myself back together I was working with directions from the court to send letters to my children, this had been going on for almost two years and I was tired of not seeing them.
Eventually the judge gave me a break and ordered that I see my son supervised………..
cut to six months later and he is now back with me half the year with no social services intervention, this also means I now have a fighting chance at getting the rest of my life back on track and seeing my other son.
The point of the story is no matter what you’re going through just keep going and never give up, things will always be really bad for a very long time but there is always light at the end of the tunnel and help available somewhere you just have to find it and maybe change what sort of help you’re looking for.
If you really have no fight left as I did take a break and rebuild your life slowly there’s no point fighting a battle if you have no strength left in you. Take time to get stronger then fight again with everything you have, you will succeed!
If all else fails just do everything yourself, if you don’t know how to do something google it, read books, ask people with knowledge or go to courses. support is great and makes things easier but if you don’t have it that doesn’t mean you can’t do it yourself just persevere with it.
good luck and I wish you all well with your lives xxx